i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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