Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize