I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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