I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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