Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize