I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what day is it and did you see me today?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My feet surprised me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize