no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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