it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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