so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
