i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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