Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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