My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
