Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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