my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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