I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
