Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
