Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
