whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
