Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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