I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
