we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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