I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
