Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
