New low: just hacked my moms facebook
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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