feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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