I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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