She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
