my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
