you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
