my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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