Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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