Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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