You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
