Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
