The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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