Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
