every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize