Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
