I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
