We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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