hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
