I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize