she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
