Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
