Apparently you make a good broom.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize