apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
