I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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