I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
