i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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