Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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