went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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