What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
