We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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