i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
