I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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