Farmville is her only friend.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
