it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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