while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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