I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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