I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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