Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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