please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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