Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
