Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize