He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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